Pan Dulce

Clearly a true Mexican. Ripley loved her first pan dulce.

Day of the Dead

This was a big in the death year for our family. Mia, Pops, Papi. It seemed just as some healing began we were scraped raw again. I wish there was a pause button, some kind of universal time out that we could have taken for ourselves, but life didn't work that way. The dishes needed to be done, homework, dinners, family, friends - nothing stopped. Our pain was acknowledged, and sympathized with, but nothing was put on hold. It turns out there is no room for death in life. Death happens everyday, but life never skips a beat.

When Mia died I was in shock, by the time Ripley was born I was exhausted. I got home and had a non-sleeping newborn, and when she did sleep I stayed awake longer just to make sure she was actually breathing. We also had the boys at home, they were expecting two girls and we only came home with one, there were so many questions. On top of that family and friends all wanted to come by, which was lovely, but it meant the chaos had to be mostly controlled. It was, and is, busy. A lot of my grieving and healing happened in between the lines. There were many middle of the night crying sessions and tears alongside the incredible happiness of having a growing baby. Life moves on and we try to keep up.

I made a conscience effort this year to make more time for death. Scheduled time when our only purpose was to feel and share those feelings. One of those occasions for me was Day of the Dead. In Tucson there is the All Souls Procession that culminates around the traditional holiday. It has grown by tens of thousands and it's something I look forward to every year. This year D agreed to bring the boys so we could process together. There is something to be said about being completely surrounded by people who are paying homage to the deceased. It's powerful and amazing. It was a great reminder that we are not alone in grief - everyone has their experience. I am so happy that the boys had this chance to stand for our family - I'm so glad we could do it together.

Our masks.

Not scared of skull mommy.

Dragonfly

Leeloo meets my lovely Sara D.

(Photography note: It's terribly difficult to shoot a squirmy baby sans flash in low light with a small digital camera.)

Waffles, yum.

Tucson trips are usually a whirlwind for me. I spend most days rushing from one place another, trying to visit as many people as possible. Unfortunately that usually means long days with short visits all over town. This tactic has (somewhat) worked in the past, but add a 3 month old who dislikes the car seat to that mix and you've got trouble. Being all new-mama like I was up for the challenge. Luckily for me my mom saw through my delusions and offered an easy solution. An open house. This way, friends and family could come see me, all at once, no driving or rushing necessary!

My moms second great idea was to hire her friend Jon Lehman to be in charge of the food. Jon, who is a masseuse, makes the best waffles I have ever had. I mean yum plus yum (then add some yum for good measure). You think this would be enough, but no, he also added fresh berries, whip cream, bacon and savory omelets to the mix. It was good to know that if people couldn't make it, we'd be well fed for days!

Wonderfully people did make it. The house was a buzz between 10 and 2. It was a little overwhelming to try to talk to everyone, but it was so lovely introduce the little one to the people I love. She cooed and flirted and was passed and kissed and cuddled. Somehow I need to figure out how to move my village from Tucson to San Diego, I have a feeling parenting would be heaps easier if they were all closer.

Meeting her great Aunt and Uncle.

Early birds get the first waffles!

She was worn out even before the party started!

With Stephanie.

Roxy liked the bouncer - I knew I lugged it on the plane for something!

Maya liked the decorations - Mexican chickens are fun!

Everyone wanted Roxy's polka-dot tights.

Lets play pass around the baby :)

If chiquita is ever missing, I'll look here first.

Her Uncle Chocolate Thunder.

Tucson Day 4

Fourth desert day and my mom was finally freed from jury duty! That meant that she stocked up on cuddles and I trailed with the camera.

Tucson: Day 3

Tucson in the Spring is a strange place. One day it can be in the nineties and a few days later there will be snow. It may sound like an exaggeration, but I kid you not. On our third desert day it was windy and chilly. So I bundled the little one up.

Her warm outfit complete with boots and jeans :)

On our third day in town we ventured out on our own and went to visit my office. I've been working for the same company since 2005. When I met D and decided to run away to San Diego my boss was great enough to suggest that I continue to work remotely. It's been wonderful - not only because I get to work from home, but because I get to still work with people who are more my friends than anything.

Chickadee got to visit with them and I got in my puppy time. The office has four dogs around most days, six on others. Chance - my favorite, was rescued right after I started working. He is one of the sweetest golden retrievers ever and I miss spending my days with him. Even though he was perplexed by the little one we got some good cuddles in before we headed out to lunch.

Lunch was fairly straightforward, but I mention it for two reasons. One: I had the best salad ever (butter lettuce, french feta, dried cranberries and pistachios - I eat it twice a week now). Two: chica slept, in her car seat, for the whole time. In her car seat. Her car seat that she complains (loudly) about almost every time we use it. Seriously - you would think she had been drugged. My friends thought she was the best baby ever, she's good baby, but usually a bit more of a handful. She had them fooled and me amazed (and has yet to ever want to be in her car seat that long again). Yet another way of her keeping me on my toes.

Sleeping Beauty.

I didn't get a picture of the salad, but the bday desert was yummy too!

Tucson: Day 2

A good thing about flying across only one time zone - no jet lag.

On our second day in Tucson we got to hang with one of my favorite aunties. My mom was still on jury duty, so to start our day we met her for lunch. Chiquita may not like the car seat very much, but in her sling she tags along fairly well.  She chilled in the K'tan and stared at all the patrons while I had enchiladas - yum. After that we returned my mom to the dungeons of civic duty and the three of us headed to the mall.

Malls and I share very little love. The only time I really like them is during the holidays when they smell like baked goods and you can people watch for days. However, this was a necessary trip, because my feet hurt. Pregnancy made my feet grow two whole sizes. Post delivery they've shrunk a bit, but not all the way back to my size 7. Now I only have a couple of pairs of shoes that (kinda) fit me- flip flops, and a pair of $12 ballet flats that make my feet hurt. After the airport I realized I really needed a proper pair. This meant going into a physical store to try stuff on, no online way out of it.

Going to the mall also gave us the perfect opportunity to try out the stroller that my cousins gifted us. When we were expecting twins we bought a simple double snap-and-go for the girlies. It was an easy solution for the overwhelming task of finding the right stroller. When things went south, a couple of the ladies from the twin group were sweet enough to take the snap-and-go away. Since then it hasn't been in my heart to shop for a single stroller. So this used one that was lonely in storage, was a blessing.

Chiquita did well on her first excursion. I wouldn't say she loves the stroller, maybe she doesn't even like it, but she tolerated it for quite some time when it was in motion. And when it stopped, she was easily accessed to feed her the bottle. If my auntie hadn't been there it would have been far more challenging, but since she could entertain while I shopped, it worked out.  Within a couple of stores I found comfy shoes in my new size (only one size up from my original size).

The score: canvas Toms. They make my feet smile.

Post mall I was scheduled for a hair appointment. Each time I visit Tucson I make it a point to visit Gypsy (A Hair Salon). Jaci is one of my favorite people and she has been cutting/dyeing/shaving/styling my hair for years. With chiquita at the casa with my folks I got a chance to sit and get a non-rushed cut. One thing they don't tell you about motherhood is that everything you do for yourself gets pushed into fast-forward mode. I spend my free moments speeding through things like showering/eating/dressing/anything. So, to get a couple of hours when I wasn't distracted by chiquita's happiness and general well-being was quite a break.

See all that hair? You think I would have a buzz-cut after. Nope. Jaci rocks my socks.

By the time I got home everyone was ready to crash. Except chickadee - she beat 'em to it.

All asleep.

Tucson: Day 1

Yay for smaller airports! After our first flight ever it was nice to know that we weren't landing into some giant monstrosity like Dallas. Tucson airport is easy peasy.

During our flight there was a poor little toddler wailing (almost as if the universe was giving me a glimpse of what it could've been like). So, on our way off the plane a couple people asked me how such a little baby could make so much noise. Um, not my baby! Poor mama, I felt her pain.

We were later than the crowd to get to the luggage carousel (last row takes a while to move) and our bags were swirling around the belt. My auntie and step-dad were gonna fetch us, but I couldn't see them anywhere. So, baby in one arm, I managed to pull off the bags and drag them over to the chairs. Super mama - woot! I called and they were just down the way waiting for us at a different gate. I suppose the airport isn't quite so tiny after all!

By that time chickadee was tired of the whole traveling game. I changed her diaper, and made her a bottle, but she was fed up. Total solidarity with the plane mama - here was my baby going from cranky to full wail force.

My auntie held her squirming body while we hoofed it to the car rental counter. Everything was in order, but they didn't have a car. I smiled and was patient while I could hear the super cry in the background. My poor step-dad, he's not a baby person at all and here was this little ball of loudness that was headed to his home. I think the counter lady finally felt pity on me because she upgraded us to a much nicer car at no charge.

My parents took the extra Mia car seat to Arizona since we didn't need two. It was wonderful to have something familiar to use, even if I had to adjust all the straps since it was fresh outta the box. Chica even calmed down in the car (which is rare) and I managed to drive us all the way back to my parents house. Day o' travel was complete!

Playing with her overjoyed abuelita.